With my hands lifted high.

It has been a few weeks since I have gone to church and this morning I was wanting nothing more than to surrender myself during worship. And so:

With my hands lifted high I praised my Lord. I thanked Him for His never-ending love and asked His forgiveness for my short-comings.

With my hands lifted high I asked Him to take my heart in His hands and give me some of His grace and love to share with others.

With my hands lifted high I asked Him to continue to guide my life in a direction that will honor Him.

With my hands lifted high I asked for His blessing over my family. For my relationship with my husband, for the safety of our children, for Miss E (always for Miss E), and for our lives to continue to be founded on our love for our God.

I am in the beginning stages of doing something I have wanted to do for years. I am terrified. I am excited. I am nervous and full of anticipation. I can't do it alone. I feel that this step can lead to an amazing ministry on my part and I can't help but look at all that can go wrong. I should be focusing on all the good that will come out of this journey. But it will not happen unless I am able to surrender it to the Lord and allow Him to take care of my needs. The number one need is finding someone to help me with the girls, and during potentially odd hours. So I am sending out a virtual prayer request. Please Please Please pray for me. Pray for the journey I am about to start and pray that I will find the right people to help me reach the end of the journey because I WILL NOT succeed without the gracious help of others.

So with my hands lifted high I send my prayer request to my Lord and I hope that you will join me in lifting up and praising our God.

Miss E

Little Miss E just turned three!

This past year has gone by in such a blur...and I wouldn't change a minute of it!

"When E is three years old, she will be able to talk!" That is what M told me a few days before her birthday. I giggled and said "That would be great, but that's not how it works. She won't be able to talk right away, but we still have to keep teaching her." Inside, I was wishing for the same thing that M was. I have been wishing that she would just wake up one morning and say "Love you Mama." I know it is not going to happen overnight, but for some reason, when I went to get E out of bed the morning of her bday, I was actually holding just the tiniest bit of hope...which meant I was just the tiniest disappointed when it didn't happen.

I have heard it all, from "My sister's son didn't start talking until he was four years old, but when he did, it was full complete sentences!" to "Enjoy it now, because soon you won't be able to get her to stop talking." But I am SO tired of listening to what other people have to say, because I would take non-stop talking over non-stop whining anyday. I would love to be correcting her grammer and sentence structure than trying to get her to babble the few sounds that she knows. I would rather be teaching her the alphabet than teaching her how to work her communication device.

But I know that everything is in the Lord's hands. And that alone is a daily struggle; to completely let go and surrender it all to Him, knowing that His plan is perfect and everything will work out just the way it is suppose to.

A picture that makes me smile.

I took this picture a few days ago. I don't know why, but everytime I look at it, I can't help but smile. I don't like feet...I absolutely HATE my own (just ask my husband, he will roll his eyes because I am constantly complaining about my toes!). But for some reason, the feet of these three have found a special place in my heart! I love B's feet because they are strong and masculine; they are the feet of a hardworking Marine who loves what he does (weird, I know, but I can't help it!). M loves having her feet played with and her toes painted! And then there is E...hers are my favorite! Her toes are long and her toenails are the oddest things I've ever seen! She likes to put her feet on me and stretch all her toes and I love to rub right in between her pinky and 'ring finger' toe (what would be the appropiate term for the toe next to the pinky toe?).

Why did I feel the need to talk about feet? Who knows! Totally odd? Of course!

The new face of Dyspraxia

Two years, 6 specialists, countless doctor appointments and blood tests later; after hundreds of miles driven, and one burnt out Momma...the bravest little girl I know FINALLY has a diagnosis!!!

Emily has officially been diagnosised with Dyspraxia. I am still searching websites to fully understand what it is we are dealing with; but here is a list of what I have found so far:

1. Definition: Dyspraxia or developmental dyspraxia is "a disorder characterized by an impariment in the ability to plan and carry out sensory and motor tasks. Generally, individuals with this disorder appear "out of sync" with their envirnoment."

2. It is a life-long disorder. It can not be cured, however, it can be managed through therapy.

3. Often comes with language problems and sometimes a degree of difficulty with perception and thought. It does not affect a persons' intelligence, but it can cause learning difficulties.

4. Simply...experts believe a person's nerve cells that control muscles are not developing correctly. The brain and the muscles are not coordinating with each other properly.

5. Symptoms vary but include the following (pre-school age):

* slower at achieving motor milestones (late to sit up, crawl, stand up, walk, run, etc.)

* easily distressed and prone to temper tantrums

* may constantly bump into objects and fall over

*difficulty with peddling a bike or similar toy

*lack of any sense of danger

*continued messy eating. May prefer to always eat with fingers.

*poor fine motor skills

* limited creative play and imaginative play

*isolation with peer group, may prefer adult company

*persistant language difficulties

*sensitive to sensory stimulation (Sensory Processing Disorder)

* limited response to verbal instruction

*slow to establish left- and right-handedness

6. Four out of five children diagnosed with dyspraxia are boys. (Not common among girls)

If you know my daughter...then you know she fits every one of these symptoms. As I continue to visit websites and read as much as I can, one thing is certain...we have a long road ahead of us. Emily is not going to have an easy childhood, there are going to countless obstacles that are going to threaten to tear her down, but I am not going to let that happen.

Education is the first step, I am going to continue to educate myself, my family and my friends.

Prayer. The prayers will never cease. We will beat this and we will come out stronger than we've ever been, a stronger family and stronger disciples for the Lord.

Patience. There are going to be moments when I am going to want to throw in the towel and give up. I won't. I will not give up on this little girl who holds my heart in her hands.

And as I continue to learn, be certain that I will share all I know with all of you. Because the more you all know, the more certain I am that we can come together and give this little girl the courage to overcome anything and everything!

Thank you all for your continued prayers. I feel so relieved that we finally have a name to what we've been dealing with over the years.

Why not?

So, I know I haven't written in awhile. But I am like, so busy, ya know? Well, tonight I went to move my purse and as I am about to fall over due to the shear weight of it, I decide to clean it out. As I am continually taking things out and questioning how it can all fit in my purse, I decide to make a list. So here you go, because you were all dying to know what I had in there!

The List:

wallet
bible
reciepts (mechanic, gas, food, misc, valet...cause that's how I roll)
wrappers (gum, fruit snacks)
brochures
day planner
X-mas CD from our church
grocery lists (a dozen of those)
hospital bracelets
shot records (girls and the dog)
X-mas card from the Miller Clan
medicated pads
business cards
gift cards
prayer journal
cocnert tickets
the all important feminine products
diaper
coin purse
toys (bouncy ball, race car, silly band, stickers, barbie, watch, doll diaper, necklance, marker)
hand sanitizer
pens (multiple)
socks
lip glass (like 6)
hair ties
bobby pins
graham crackers
old dresser hardware
pack of batteries
swiss army knife
gum
allergy medicine
ribbon
magnets

Seriously, why must I always carry around so much stuff?

Really?

Has it really been two months since I last wrote? Wow...okay. The latest is coming up soon! Promise.

January 23rd.

I got Madison a Children's Bible for Christmas and last night we read the story of David and Goliath. After we were done, we talked about what had happened and why David had the strength to defeat the giant even though everyone thought he was too small. I asked Madison why she thought David could beat the other guy when no one else thought he could do it. She told me, "Because of God?" and I said yes, and that David was strong enough because he believed that God would give him the strength to win. He had God in his heart and when we live in and with God, then He will watch over us. I told her that I had God in my heart and so did her Daddy. She asked me how God was in my heart and I said that it was because I asked Him in and I believe that He is in Heaven and I believe that if I love Him, then I get to live with Him in Heaven. I then asked her if she wanted God in her heart and she said yes but how. I told her that all she had to do was ask Jesus to live in her heart and He would forever be with her. And so she prayed...

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for today. Thank you for a fun time with Nana and Papa. And thank you for a pretty day. Jesus, please live in my heart because we need you. Please keep Daddy safe because we miss him...(and then she continued on for another 3 minutes about how Daddy was keeping her safe so the bad guys can't get us).
In Jesus Name, Amen. (We always end our prayers with the sign language word for Amen so that Emily can always 'say' Amen with us.)

This almost 5 year old little girl gets it. She knows that if Jesus lives in her heart...then life is GOOD.

Thank you Lord for opening up her little heart. Thank you for reveiling yourself to her. Thank you for giving me the right words to help her understand. Please provide me with wisdom and strength. Continue to pour out your love for us because we can't survive without it. Continue to give me the right words to encourage her everyday to follow after you.