days THREE and FOUR

I actually did a little better yesterday and it was all thanks to my hubby and an impromptu lunch. Drove over to Mainside where the husband works and we got to enjoy a delicious meal of Wendy's burgers and fries without interruption from the kids! Doesn't happen very often and so we really took the time to absorb it. When I got home, I went right upstairs to take an exam for my history class and came out with a not-too-shabby 86% and then proceeded to once again avoid housework and find a comfortable spot on the couch to continue my indulgence in my marathon of Roswell: Season 1.

We left the house in the evening to...well, you'll find out soon.

As for today...I decided the house was unliveable and so I have cleaned up and vaccumed the living room, filled the dishwater to it's full capacity and am on my 3rd load of laundry! After I finish up here, I am going to bite the bullet and get some homework done because I leave first thing in the morning for my SCRAPBOOK WEEKEND at Lake Arrowhead and I am beyond excited!!!

As for my girls...I miss them. So much.

day TWO

I am still not whole inside without my children here. Are they getting to bed on-time? Are they taking their naps at their normal time? Are they eating everything they should? Wait...they are on vacation...calm down Sara and relax. Let them enjoy their time with their grandparents and great-grandparents!!! If they want to stay up till 9 (eek) they can, if they want to eat junk food all week (gulp) let them. I need to relinquish control.

As for me, I am going to continue to submerge myself in tv and lounge around, while avoiding all forms of housework.

day ONE

YESTERDAY:

I gave Madison a big hug in the morning and wouldn't let her go, she then started one of the sweetest conversations...

Maddy: "What are you doing Momma?"
Me: "I'm giving you a super big hug because I'm really gonna miss you."
Maddy: "Don't be sad Mommy."
Then she puts her hands to my cheeks.
Maddy: "I'll be back in ONE week, okay? I promise. Don't be sad cause you'll see me soon."
Me: "But one week is a really long time and I'm gonna miss you."
Maddy: "But mom, I promise. I promise I'll see you in one week."

I love that little girl.

TODAY:

This is day one without the girls and I feel like there is this huge void in my life. This is what being a mom is isn't it? Once you have children you really loose apart of yourself to these minature people! But at the same time, while I miss them so much...a mother NEEDS time to herself! For my sanity, for my relationship with my husband, for the need to step away so that I can be a better parent...time away really is a good idea.

I think I especially need time away from Emily every so often. Her Sensory Processing Disorder can create stress so easily and there are times where I just need to step away and remind myself that it isn't her fault. That's the hardest part, there are times where I will just snap and yell at her and than immediately feel guilty because I know she can't control what's happening to her.

And so, while I am already going nutso without them, I am going to cherish this time to focus on myself and my husband.

April 23, 2005

Today Blain and I are celebrating 5 years as being husband and wife!!!

I love that he chose me to be his partner for the rest of his life, I love that he went out and picked a beautiful ring to place upon my finger. I love that he was 100% into the wedding planning and even did many things on his own...without me! I love that he said "I do" and gave me the most wonderful first kiss a husband could give his new wife. I love that a few months into our marriage, he told me he wanted a daughter. (I went ahead a gave him two!!!) I love that after 5 years together, I still get butterflies when I look into his blue eyes.

There are days when I want to throw his precious XBOX 360 right out the window. There are times when I want to toss the frying pan at him and yell "you fix dinner then!" There are nights when his twitching and the grinding of his teeth make me want to put a pillow over his head (ever so gently of course!) and there are times when I don't even want him to touch me.

But isn't that what a marriage is? The good the bad and the spontaneous hilarious moments? We have had a wonderful 5 years together and I am so glad that the good has outweighed the bad 1000 to 1. I am totally looking forward to the next 5 years, followed by another 5 years!!!

Happy 5th Anniversary to us!!!

*Loving my Life*

I love Emily's "squeezes"

While I don't consider Emily to be a "special needs" child, she does require alot of extra attention and alot of patience on my part. I realized the other day that no one, outside my close circle of family and friends, really know what has been going on with Emily. And so, I have decided to share it with everyone!

At the age of 9 months, I and Emily's pediatrician noticed that her head was larger than most 9 month olds and she was also starting to grow pubic hair. At 12 months old, the hair (down there)continued to grow, her head grew at a much faster rate than normal, and she was behind on all her milestones. We got sent to an Endocrinologist who proceeded to take an insane amount of blood from my one year old and ran every test she could think of! Emily also had an x-ray to check her bone age, a head ultrasound and an abdomenal ultrasound. Everything came back normal.

When we moved to Oceanside, we went in for an MRI of her brain and found a new Endocrinologist who ordered more blood tests and another bone age x-ray. All blood work came back normal and because her head and pubic hair stopped growing, decided that there was nothing more he could do but monitor her.

The MRI came back showing a shadow on her pituitary gland. We will be going in for another MRI in June to find out if the shadow was just created by the machine, or if in fact there is a cyst or tumor there. Prayers would be appreciated.

Emily is also developmentally delayed in all areas. She is currently in speech, physical and occupational therapy to help get her up to par with all the other 20 month olds out there! In a few weeks she will be recieving orthotics or ankle braces to help stabilize her ankles. She has very low muscle tone and this not only allows her to be insanely flexible, but it is also preventing her from walking properly and from developing her fine motor skills in her hands.

And lastly, the occupational therapy that she is recieving has been developed around Sensory Processing Disorder. It is a neurological disorder that pretty much sends her senses hay-wire! She can't properly interpret and react to tactile sensations. This is the reason for her constant meltdowns and tantrums, add to the fact that she can't talk and we're talking major 1 year old drama! I am still learning about this disorder and trying to understand all that goes with it.

Needless to say, Emily has been going through alot lately!!! But she is a tough little girl and a joy to have around. She loves walks, bubbles, hot dogs, and her big sister. When she's not having the best day, she craves "squeezes" which is our word for a big bear hug! Thank you to everyone who has been supportive it is needed and greatly appreciated!!!

Bad day turned good.

Yesterday was a very tough day for me. Emily decided to have a meltdown the moment she woke up and so for the first 45 minutes of my day, she screamed. I was able to get breakfast on the table, get dressed and get the girls dressed before heading out the door; but I had to do it all with screaming in my ear. Emily had two hours of therapy ahead of her and I was nervous that they weren't going to be able to get anything productive done due to her behavior. I was right. Both sessions were tough but the therapists stuck with it and didn't give in! Thankfully they did all they could to wear her out and she took a great two hour nap after lunch.

Luckily the nap did some good and she was in a much better mood throughout the rest of the day. We than took a good 2 mile walk, which she loved. And when we got home my day was given a breath of fresh air when I got a call from a dear friend of mine. Hearing her voice just made everything else seem meaningless. Have you ever picked up the phone on a tough day and just let out a sigh of relief when it's the exact person you need to talk to at that moment? That's how it was for me. So thank you Andrea for calling at just the right time. You gave me the boost I needed to make it through the evening.

More zoo photos...

Here are some zoo pictures that Madison didn't take! Although Emily cried ALL morning...we were still able to have a great time!

The girls!!!

My Madison!

Above: Daddy was the only one who could get Emily to fall asleep!

Below: Mommy and Maddy

Photos by Madison

We went to the zoo on Saturday and I decided to give Madison control of the camera for awhile. Here are her best photos:

Friendless in Oceanside

Why is it so hard to make friends at Camp Pendleton? We have been living on base for almost 6 months and I haven't had a lunch date with a friend, a playdate at my house, or a girls night out...nothing. This is not to say that I don't have friends. I have some of the most wonderful women in my life and I love them dearly. Trouble is, they all live so far away. And I'm a nice person! I like to have fun and be silly. I am kind and considerate, a good listener and supportive. So why is it that I don't have one friend that I can call up just to hang out with? It seemed so easy in Monterey. I was lucky enough to make three amazing friends...yes that means you Kim, Melissa and Veronica!!! So why can't I have that here?

And so this is why I love technology. Cell phones, skype, facebook...all three have kept me connected to the friends that I just couldn't live without. Because even though we are 100's and for some 1000's of miles apart, I can always count on technology to keep me connected with the people that are so precious to me.

Easter

Easter was a little different for us this year. The reason? We didn't see any family :( It was strange, but overall it was still a great day. We feel so lucky to have found a church we can really call home. Service was fantastic, with a drama that gave me chills! We did our usual Sunday Panda Express, followed by naps, and a trip to the park. The girls looked adorable and Emily is officially crushing on our friend Zach!!! After church, she gave him hugs and laughs and spent most of the time gazing into his eyes! It definetly made his day!

I love my life.

Pizza

I am a true pizza-holic. I love pizza. Whenever I am in my hometown visiting my parents, they know without question that we will be having pizza at some point during my stay! So when I was given a pizza crust recipe from a friend of mine, I was super excited to try it. Needless to say, it's a huge hit at my house! My husband loves that it's homemade and I love that it tastes good and costs like $5 to make!!!

Thirsty

As we were sitting down for lunch today, it started raining. Madison, with her never-ending bucket of questions, asked me why it was raining. I simply told her that the clouds were full and wanted to share some rain with us. She pondered that for a full two seconds, than (with attitude) turned to me and said, "Um no, its cause the sidewalk was thirsty!"

I love the way 4 year olds think.

Knock Knock

While playing in Madison's room the other day, I decided to tell her a joke.


ME: "Knock Knock"
PAUSE
ME: "now you say Who's There?"
MADISON: "Who's there?"
ME: "Banana, now say banana who"
MADISON: "banana who"
ME: "knock knock"
MADISON: "Who's there?" (she learns quick)
ME: "banana"
MADISON: "banana who"
ME: "knock knock"
MADISON: "who's there"
ME: "orange"
MADISON: hahahahahahahahahahahaha

And that's when I start laughing hysterically at the fact that she thought "orange" was the punchline!!! I love the things that 4 year olds think is the funniest thing ever!!!

I love my life.